I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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