If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
