those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
