The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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