I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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