Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
