The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
