I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
