If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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