i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Buhtt sex?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Randomize
