I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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