You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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