i used baking grease as lip gloss
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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