My Higher Power is John Stamos
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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