When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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