Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
