This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
