I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
