So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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