similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
