Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
