think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
