Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The air was thick with penises
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
