my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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