normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
