I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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