Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
