My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
