he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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