I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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