I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
