I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
