Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
