The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
