at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
