Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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