FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
