hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
