some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
