Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
