she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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