Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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