shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
