Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
