i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
