My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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