i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
