a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
