Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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