Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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